Changing
by MaryWhite
Summary: Olivia was done with unhappiness, negativity and sadness. She needed to feel complete and wishing for something that could never be would only hold her back. Ryan O'Halloran became the man she wanted but will it last? Will she let him in?


**I know there are other stories that I need too update but this story was written for a fellow USA member. This is not…I repeat…NOT an Elliot and Olivia shipper story. The characters are great friends but not lovers. I hope fellow shippers read it anyways. I liked this idea and just…went with it. **

**Change Somehow**

There she stood in the middle of the precinct locker room looking in the mirror and inspecting the slick black dress she picked out the previous night. Tonight would be the first time she will be going out since she dated Kurt. After being hurt, let down and humiliated by men, she just about gave up hope. Her party had ended and darkness was following close behind. The time for happiness seemed to have slyly passed her by. The man she gave her hopes and heart to broke her down and crushed every safety and humility within her.

The tears she shed over a married man who never really saw who she was or wanted to know was the final straw. She tried to not believe or even see that he didn't need her, didn't love her at all or wanted her around but she slowly began to see the truth. Being around him became a bad dream that she couldn't escape. No more. She will move on. She had to. Falling was her greatest accomplishment but that can change and will change. That change all began with one man she never expected would land in her lap.

"You look great."

The sound of a man she was very familiar with broke her out of her conscious coma. "Thanks."

"Who's the lucky guy tonight?"

"Not that it's any of your business but Ryan."

"Forensics Ryan O'Halloran?"

Olivia brushed her hair back, took her lip stick out and applied the final touch to her full lips. "Yes."

"How long has that been going on?"

She put her contents back into her purse, sighed and slammed her locker door. "Elliot, you have your life and I have mine. Let's just leave it at that."

"What the Hell does that mean?"

"It means that you have a wife and five children to keep you occupied, not to mention a very demanding job and yet you insist on prying into my personal life. You always keep your personal life to yourself so allow me the same courtesy."

"Showing concern for you isn't prying."

She was done with this conversation. She knows from past experience that if she hears what he is saying then it will only hurt more. Not believing or hearing him seems to be the only mechanism she could rely on. Elliot had a tendency for saying the wrong things to hurt her. According to him, it was the only way he seemed to be able to get a reaction out of her but she wasn't going to fall for it tonight. "I'm going to be late. You should go home."

"How long Liv?"

"It's the first date Elliot but even if it was our hundredth date it would still be none of your business."

The drained man shook his head and watched the woman he let slip through his fingers slip through the door. For some reason he knew something was different. Something had changed. He could feel it deep in the pit of his stomach, in the back of his mind and the vision he saw before him confirmed it. She was different, she had changed and he wasn't the reason.

The beautiful brunette raced to catch a cab in the busiest city in the United States. A yellow cab slowly parked on the side of the road where she stood. She slide inside, gave the Indian man her location and laid her head against the back of the leather cushions. She continued to think about how she got to be so mean. She and Elliot used to be able to tell each other everything, could laugh about the simplest things, and be there for each other no matter the situation and now the simplest conversation proved to be impossible. She knew that she somehow contributed to the crumbled relationship by the pain she gave herself.

He never promised her affection, love, admiration. Her delusions of love gave her heartache and no one is to blame but herself. Right then and there, sitting in a cab that was taking her to another man she felt so much for, she made the decision to change her relationship with Elliot. He was going to be her partner and friend once again. She was tired of fighting, arguing, and crying. She was too old and too tired for the excess energy it took to simply be around him.

The cab pulled up the Italian restaurant Ryan had instructed her to meet him at when she could get off. That was something Olivia would have to get used to. Understanding and patients was something the men in her life never really had. Ryan was defiantly different.

She paid the cab driver, got out and fixed her makeup before walking in to meet her date. She walked in to see a man dressed in a suit and tie behind a podium. "Do you have a reservation?"

"I'm actually meeting someone who should be here."

"The name?"

"Ryan O'Halloran."

"Ah…yes. Right this way mame."

Olivia followed behind the hostess, nerves shaking. She couldn't figure out why she was so nervous but for some odd reason, she was. She considered this her last attempt at happiness and wished to death that Ryan was the man to give it to her. When they got in to eye shot with the very attractive man, she smiled. He stood up and Olivia could see his full features. It was the first time she had seen him outside of the get up he wore at work. The hostess bowed his head and walked back to his work station, leaving the couple to greet each other in private.

"Wow Benson. You clean up good."

She smiled and laughed. "Is that how the forensic guys greet the ladies?"

He laughed and kissed her in the cheek ever so softly. "Only the special ones. In all seriousness, you look beautiful."

"So do you…look hansom I mean."

He laughed again and pulled her chair out for her, allowing her to sit and pushing her chair in for her. "Beautiful works."

"So…am I the first date out of the 365 days this year?"

"I cannot believe you remember that but yes. You are. Now pray that we don't get called in because this place was hard as hell to get a reservation."

Olivia closed her eyes for a few seconds and opened them. "Done. Now what are we eating O'Halloran?"

He looked at her with a very confused and perplexed look reaching across his gorgeous features. "You want me to order for you?"

She laughed so hard she had to cover her mouth. "No, but you can tell me what is good."

"Okay. Um…the shrimp is very good but I'm a simplistic man. I always get the chicken fettuccini alfredo when I come here, keep in mind that's not very often."

"The chicken it is."

The two spent the rest of the night eating and talking about who they were back when they were younger, what their favorite color is and what their dreams were before things changed and lead them down the path they were riding on now. After paying, the two decided to take a walk in Central Park.

"Favorite video game as a teen?"

"Hands down Super Mario Brothers. Um…favorite board game?"

Olivia stopped and let her hand drop from his. She reached the point when she needed to tell him the truth about her childhood but was terrified of scaring him off. She felt something for this man in front of her that she couldn't explain. Loosing him wasn't something she was ready for just when she was feeling something other then anger.

"Games were actually not allowed in my house."

He looked confused. "Are you serious? Why?

"My mom was an English professor. Reading was about the only activity she would allow me to participate in. I about died of shock when she bought a TV when I was twelve years old. My childhood wasn't exactly…normal."

"Who's is?"

"No…you don't. You don't understand. Do you know why I do what I do? Being an SVU detective I mean?"

"Um…I know that you're good at it but the why's are a mystery."

Olivia sat down on the closest bench she could find and waited before she caught her breath. She felt the bench move as Ryan sat down next to her, waiting patiently again. "Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Why your childhood was so hard. Why you do what you do."

"You sure you want to hear it? It's not a happy story Ryan.

He began to rub her covered arm and soothingly whispered, "Tell me."

She decided to tell him all about it. The beautiful and broken woman spoke about her mother, the drinking, the beatings, the neglect, the mental abuse, the abandonment and all of the stories in between. She told him all about finding out about how she came into this world and the consequences that came with her existence.

After concluding her tragic story, she looked up to see if he still remained at her side. She held her breath and waited for him to bolt. Instead of finding a cold bench, she saw a warm body looking at her, not with pity but admiration.

"That is a sad story."

"Told you. That is Olivia Benson's life, all crappie experiences and all. I wouldn't blame you if you took off now."

"Liv, I'm not running anywhere. How could I run from a woman who has overcome so much to be the great woman you are today, as cheesy as that sounds."

"Overcome? Ryan, I haven't overcome anything. I can't remember the last time I actually felt…"

"Happy."

"Exactly. I feel like I live each and every day for my mother. I feel like I owe her that much. Even though she is dead, I don't know if I could have done what she did."

"And what did she do?"

"She looked at me each and every day and didn't toss me down a flight of steps."

"No, but what she did was far worse then killing you. She allowed you to live each and every day punishing yourself for a tragedy that wasn't of your making. It's not your fault that you were born, that your mother was raped."

"I know that."

"Do you? Olivia, please look at me when I tell you this." He lifted her chin up to look at him in the eyes. "You are the strongest, most amazing woman I have ever met. You intimidate me actually. That's why it took me so long to grow the balls and ask you out."

"Finally? How long have you been crushing on me O'Halloran?"

He laughed and took her in his arms. "A while." He held her for a few minutes, kissed her on the head and released her."

"What a topic for the first date."

"First? You confident enough that we are going to have a second date Benson?"

For a second, Olivia's heart stopped. She had scared him. "No, just hopeful but if it's not what you want…"

"It was a joke Olivia. I would love to take you out but…we have to do something that I want to do. A guy thing."

"Oh damn. What is it? I'm not playing a beer game or playing flag football or any other activity where I will have to sweat."

Ryan lifted his eye brows and tilted his head. "No sweating activities huh?"

Olivia tilted her head back and laughed out loud. "Not so fast lab geek. I need to know you can handle me first and that takes time big daddy."

"Oh I can handle you but…all good things come to those who wait. I was thinking more along the lines of a Yankees game. I have two tickets for Friday's game and I was hoping you could come with me. So what do you say cop nerd. Interested?"

"That sounds like fun but I am on call that day. Hopefully I can make it through the entire night without having to leave. And I'm not a cop nerd."

"Well I'm not a lab geek."

The two smiled and looked at the moon. When Olivia looked down she saw Ryan's hand reached out to her. She took it without question and smiled at her fortune. When the skin met contact, her heart skipped a beat. Not only did she have a major crush on this guy but he made her heart skip a beat whenever contact took place. A smile spread across her face with the realization that things were only going to get better. She could feel it deep in the pit of her stomach, in the back of her mind and the vision she saw before her. She was somehow different and nothing would be the same.

**BlaZer, I hope this first chapter satisfied you. I promise that it will get more personal with Olivia and Ryan. I really had a lot of fun writing this and I promise, as soon as I can, I will update. I hope all of you liked it and please tell me if you see anything you didn't.**


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